Computers...
I didn't believe what I could see with my own eyes... I thought they were pixel images like on TV screens... - I
thought that it was the computers controlling my world like in the film "The Matrix"...
I remember knowing that the only way to escape from this, would be to try to make them only monitor each other...
by making the computers face each other and by letting them feed off/ react from each other... then they couldn't track me anymore - and I was out of the loop...
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Don't worry about her... Once again, she is going to self-destruct nicely...
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Songs on the CD - could have sworn there were slight differences in each play of them... racking my brains out to figure out how this could be... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They pre-record sounds and then play them back in your brain... like torrential rain falling on a window and a forest fire - they sound similar because they used the same sounds
to make them... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He used to call me buttercup…
(oh my God, that sounds really bad! :-I)Actually, it was a when I was ill several years ago…It was a soft toy and he used to call me 'cupcake'. "It's ok cupcake". "Look at this cupcake". "Look at the stars cupcake".
"Don't worry cupcake". He also appeared in my digital clock radio as the red glowing numbers plus the colon... He pointed things out - made me laugh with his jokes, and cry with his revelations of the
truth... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok - I have decided and found out that it would take too long to find my
bit of writing in my letters... and so I have decided to just piece it all back together from memory - and will be adding to it as I remember more bits about it... - chasing the stars - free souls
- I was evil and kicked back as I was egged on to harm him
- the adults held up my small form and hovered me over his face
- I watched as the life drained out of his eye
- purple and then it turned the world sky blue and green of the earth
- he said he allowed me because I had a lot to learn
- he said I had to stay on this earth - this was the best place for me
- we couldn't chase rainbows and laugh and smile in happiness
- I had failed the test - he choose this world for me in order for me to grow
- he became the earth and sky and air I breathe
- I struggled when I found out that I was getting further away from him
- as each new generation grows the farther away he becomes
- he gets recycled and dispersed into the earth
- he became the rocks in the earth and I was allowed to live and be human
- as I think back now I realise it was his love for me that he put me on this course
- sometimes when a pretty flower in the pavement catches my eye
- I think it is him
- I don't know if he feels
- I feel now what he left me with as he died... - But in this world, I have ties... I am engaged/ committed to this world.
- When I am done in this world I want to return to you...
In-Sights (In-Steps) Into Schizophrenia:
Peripheral, General Layer 1:
elation – think/ believe in 'superstitions' – high flying above
depression – think/ believe in people out to get me
General Layer 2 – The Stirring of a Storm:
Things have meaning! – we've cracked it… ever so slightly like the meaning of life.
Mid-Flow – 'Don't Interrupt me now – I am onto something:
thoughts are racing – conclusion after conclusion…
'money does not exist, therefore this part of society is wrong/ fake – it's all a farse, fake, fake, fake…
Full-Blown – in too deep now to get out/ get help:
mental decision to act on now coherently formed thoughts about how the world actually is…
realise – hooray – getting communications now – they have realised I have found them out.
it's easy, life is more
advanced, of course they have done beta-ray/ voice-thought comparison on me…
they've tuned in – they can read my thoughts – a split second even before I have processed them in my brain…
The End – (must get medicated):
And then… the cry for 'hooray' is actually picking up the pieces/ coming back down to reality… I am grateful for my life & cherish it dearly… I don't want to live it the
other way…
Key Factors/ Clues |
