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31st May 2004 I feel incredibly depressed today... I can't
work out exactly why... This morning & afternoon I was in at work... Maybe it's because I was doing something new/ different and I found it daunting? Maybe I did not get that 'flow' - 'feel-good-factor'... But I
suppose it takes time before a new thing becomes second nature... Yesterday, I kind of wasted a whole day because the anti-histamine I took for my hayfever made me very sleepy - I hardly got anything done...
Things to do Today: I feel very tired today... perhaps the anti-histamine has not worn off...
29th May 2004 This evening I went with a friend to see 'Lost in Translation' on at the cinema. Bill Murray did himself justice in this film! It was really interesting! 28th May 2004 Happiness does depend mainly on external references.
What use is it to the human race if we are all content/ satisfied to be alone?" 26th May 2004 Hee,hee,hee. Do you ever get the thought that those you work with are all flawed in some way? As if you work with a bunch of defective people (yourself included)? Maybe it's
because we are all in so much close proximity for prolonged periods of time that we see the faults/ abnormalities in these people called our colleagues. I would even go as far to wonder if they tried to get employment
elsewhere, would anywhere else take them? Hee,hee, it's so mean but comical...! Time to use up... Ten minutes... Early morn... Waiting for cup of tea to cool down... "If loving you was right, ... Was working late today, just got in... I thought today was Thursday but it's not it's Wednesday... I got a lot done today. 25th May 2004 Things to do Today: 24th May 2004 - oh the 'Miseries of being Human'... 23rd May 2004 Google! I missed out Google in the list! How could I? Well, not really, I already
registered with Google a few days ago... Please ignore this strange girl, that gets so strange once in a while... To a friend - I have to say that entry: 21st May 2004 was not quite accurate... I expanded on the
idea, to make it more interesting/ theatrical. 22nd May 2004 There has to be a system... A system where we don't have to go through the dogmill - & expend only half of our worth, before we reach
retirement & die... It's too long & only proves that we could
comply... (knuckle down to the system & comply)... Is a life worth more than this? I could say, I will keep things to myself in the future - & take them to my grave. Or that I resign... I will take my child out of the system & educate her in a more wholesome/ organic a way.
21st May 2004 Feel a bit depressed at the moment... Yesterday, I wore strappy sandals and now have a blister on the side of my foot :( ... It always catches me unawares! = being a bit bullied in the
absence of the boss & partner... - I was bullied into taking a role that will place me down as a menial worker - this time: answering the phones all the time, (when there are at least 2 people in the office being
paid less than me & less busy - but their 'man in charge' likes to delegate it to me. Should my salary be reduced to the lowest in the company just to suit him? (- I think he would if he got the chance to become a
partner and had some say... :( And to top it all I got a Penalty Charge Notice! And it wasn't even for speeding! It was for being in a bus lane in Camden - £50! - feel like putting on a sad face forever... Well,
other things! It's the weekend... This weekend I am not working! I just sent a Last Chance Cafe! text to a friend re the previous diary entry... Well, it looks like it's just me on my own this weekend - I've been dying
to have this time to myself. I need to add this web address to search engines - let's see... There is: Mental note to oneself: Recognise the basics eg. whe I am cold & shivering, go and put a jumper on. 20th May 2004 I hate it when people do the
emotional blackmail on me - it got done to me yesterday evening... Why am I enraged? Because I am so hurt that they didn't play a fair game (?) Or someone hurt them, and now they want to hurt someone back? It really
gets my goat! It's something to note; what one gets thrown back at oneself, when in the midst of an argument - does this person argue fairly? Friend/ Foe: "You have really let me down!" ... Wow! Feel like celebrating! As if I got rave reviews. - should I stay or should I go now... Should I do
the dastardly deed/ cave in to the pressure... or do what I really want to do (my gut reaction) and that is to leave it... Yippee! I've been given a PJ (Private Job), though with supervision & support throughout
from my boss... Am looking forward to it. 19th May 2004 I am happy with my lot! It is 7.30pm, this evening I did the Excel sheets after realising that last night I emailed and copied onto disk the wrong file!
Anyway, now I am free... Need to rest - recoup... I could write about lots of things but this evening am quite worn out - was in office at 8am this morning... am sorry, going to end it here for now - wow, I've written a
few consecutive days on the trot... Oh, yes I want to add another bit of information on one of the other pages - bye for now! 18th May 2004 Delayed reactions: 'You Bastard! How dare you!'
That's all for today, folks... ... well, will be updating Excel sheets for work this evening, bye! 17th May 2004 'Oooh, I love the way you love me...' - Faith Hill Yeeheehee! We fixed it! We solved
the plan/ building! Business brains take Virgin trains! I shipped it off to the client at the end of the day - just hope they like it! As a treat for all the hard work I have put in doing overtime, I have decided to
buy myself the 6 CD-Changer for my car! Am happy/ content :) 16th May 2004 'Riding in Cars with Boys' - it's really sad... it's really upsetting. I might try to find out about the book... Work is not going
very well... I feel like saying 'shit! what is wrong with me today? It wasn't supposed to really hurt & upset me so badly - the wailing/ boohooing - it was supposed to be a light-hearted intellectualised joke. 15th May 2004
I got criticised! - for writing too much about work(?) Question was: But what do you do in your spare time? - spend it writing this webpage, hmmm? Do you go out? Are you a party animal? You seem to write about your
feelings/ your moods (don't you feel like deleting half the stuff you write - when it no longer applies - it was just for that moment in time, etc?) Well, I decide to describe my day - today: 9am - 1pm 1.45pm - 7.30pm 9.30pm-10pm 10pm 10.45pm- 12midnight 12midnight 14th May 2004 Grrrrrrhhh! Too much bloody work! (I want to go & hide under the covers
& disappear!) Will be balancing working this weekend and also doing my reading/ video fest. I want to do my work, though... It's like Tetris, you have to clear your load as you get it, because if you don't it gets
in the way and is a hindrance to the work you have waiting for you in the future... but I still feel like crying out and saying 'boohoohoo/ weeping'. 7th May 2004
Feel like having a cosy weekend in to myself... 6th May 2004 Yeeheehee! - feel like a freak - have published my website to everyone...! |
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