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29th August 2005: And now it is 11am - I woke up today from a bang on the door... Amazingly I felt really refreshed and
looked on the new day with glee... We went to the Design Museum, and this time I actually honed into the objects that interested me the most - such as the penguin book covers... I feel I am being more creative... I
like Modernism but I want to bring it into the future or the present like so many other architects have - using brick instead of concrete - it's true it's about wear - buildings have this inner beauty that develops over
time... I whizzed through the Cedric Price stuff... deciding that it wasn't to my taste... It is now nearly 9pm... I hope work goes ok tomorrow - I don't know what's instore for me but hopefully I will manage... I
started using GIMP for image manipulations and found it really frustrating at first and then found out the it wasn't really user friendly for Windows - but I noticed some errors such as justifying text was swapped round
vice versa... I found some really good books in the Design Museum and ordered them on Amazon - to save me over £10... total came to £25... I feel I ought to go with the flow - and acknowledge the supportive people
around me who are helping me to learn... Must sort out my list of things to do - perhaps go to bed because I usually sleep a lot more hours... It was a nice day today... I am happy :-)
25th August 2005: Am not getting very far with work
today... we are held up for reasons not my fault... I get stressed when time ticks by and I am not being productive... :-( Plus nightmare problems with my car - and me feeling that I am not in control - when it's
taken to a garage - though they have been good and washed and waxed my car for me when I came to pick it up... but still something wrong with it with the brakes... sorting it out now... Plus have to go to my
cousin's wedding in Bristol this Sunday - all a bit hectic... and we planned to do stuff - got a busy weekend - just hope that I can get some joy out of it... Hell at work with AutoCAD drawings that don't scale in
model space... can't figure out why - unless they were drawn to 1.253469560 scale???? very stupid/ strange... We got important jobs to be doing but are held up - by drawings even blown to correct scale on the
photocopier - are too large for the site!!! - someone else had problems too in the team with scaling - now we got to fix all that and get some suitable sketch plans that work and fit on the site - all need ASAP... I
feel restless - as if I have to go on stage and speak to an audience - but I don't have to... there is something foreboding - I can feel it... as if a meteor might hit us... I feel it... maybe it's just the clog up with
the stuff at work and my car... something ominous??? ... but I have lots of lovely people who surround me... I feel grateful... and appreciative of them... even though they may not know it... It might even register
in my system that they are friends... though I like to keep up a profile that I am friendless... a loner who no one likes - but maybe it is just that I keep to myself and they give me my space and don't pry - but when I
need help - a lot of people have been really supportive... I rejoice for them that they have such good qualities in them - they make me want to cry... Am just anxious... Just realised there are a lot of people out there who relentless have to twist things to
show they are in the right - and when the opposition gives up - these people think they have 'won' and boast about how right the were all along... but it's not that... it's how wrong they were but they were unable to
see it :-(
Dreaming... but when I
woke up you had already gone off to be in another box again... and I was on the search to find you again... because being in a box meant brainwashed and someone was using your energy for something else... they had no
name but we all realised that there was something wrong with that city and were trying to gather everyone together to catch a bus and get home again... we realised something was wrong because after paying to go into a building to see an art display - I needed the loo and so we followed the signs to the toilets downstairs and then afterwards we somehow walked out of emergency exit doors into the sunlight and remembered we needed to go to Somerfield to do some food shopping... after we had shopped and were carrying our shopping back to the exhibition - I was anxious - would they let us back in to it? but when we walked in again - things were not right? and we got separated and I fell drugged and then the place changed into being a pub environment... and I was all weak and sleepy - and someone was calling out to me - I decided to wake up - and then ran out across the four lane road and over to the bank and grass area by the river - and then realised it was my brother who had called me - and asked if I was ok... He said to stay here while he went to find others... but then I was strong enough and my Dad appeared and I mentioned about you - and my Dad and I went off to find you... That's when I found you in this box pictured
below: It's reminant of the ones shown to illustrate the 4th dimension... you were sat awkwardly in it with limbs that followed the
lines... I knew that you were changing into it and had to get to you fast to stop it and make you human again... I suppose it is like Paula Radcliffe and her running - (although I don't hit any great walls...) sometimes it is a battle to stay focused and working and maintaining high eficiency all through out the day for five days a week - sometimes Sat mornings... and then rest in weekend - phew! At university - I had a different aim - I wanted to develop my social skills - but my work suffered because I didn't know how to do that at the same time... - I think that was the real reason for me doing so badly... but it doesn't seem to matter now because my dedication at work is so high - that I realise that I am not just stupid at architecture and it is beginning to develop along with the much needed technical input (I work better when taught the technical stuff as well - not just design) - but that really perhaps I tried to take a different view to working - alien to me... and it just didn't work... like those who could work through the night - I couldn't physically do it - since normally I would work hard and pace myself up to the deadline... and also I never had full unbroken weekends to work on projects because I was whisked away to work for money for most of it... :-( that was how I did it at school - I wasn't particularly clever... but I put the hours in to achieve the results I wanted... It was a bit of a slog - but I had a system and it worked... now at work I also have the same sort of system and it is working... but at university - I don't know what happenned - everything turned against me and yes some people I found were really mean to me - and so on and so on... so I spent most of my time being depressed and occupied with trying to find out why things were not working for me at university... I suppose I gave some people my help - my soul - and they just took it and ran and didn't give anything back to me - in fact they despised me... and spread strange rumours about me...
I was always insistent that I was not going to join a group and instead preferred to stay on the periphery...
I gave all my good design ideas away and left myself with the ones that didn't quite work... then I saw my peers use them &
get really high grades... I got a slight buzz because I felt happy that my idea I gave them had some validity... - but architecture school (the world) isn't like that... - well, not yet anyway...
I wanted to change things... - but instead a tutor said to me that I looked like a weak student & therefore my grades reflected that... but I refuse to
change... I refuse to just befriend the 'in group' in order so that the tutors could judge my work in relation to the correct peer
group... - and so I looked like the odd one out (and a lot of people also thought: 'and out I must go!'
- but I changed my tactic half-way through the course - they wanted me off it - but I clung on - because in this society a
degree - even a bad one - is needed to save one the hassle of convincing employers of one's ability... :-(
How annoying, I wrote some webdiary in London but I saved it in the wrong format and now it doesn't open up properly in Microsoft's Word... I am trying not to be in the battle of the global swamper-upper... but I like Linux - I like the idea that software should be open source and more accessible to everyone... open means room for development and not just the capitalistic way - of money grabbing for the rich - but a way where software could be developed and improved by computer people - just for the reason so that they make it better... and then open source to everyone - so that everyone can share in it... Technology should not cost the world, and should not be controlled by people wanting to make money out of it so much... technology is a force and once something is made - programs... people should beable to access it and not pay £150 for it and then another £60 for an upgrade later on... wonder about that a lot - I always knew from a kid that technology can be made more 'freer'... Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about - I just wanted to upload my writings but it can't be linux compatible because Microsoft are not open source... Anyway, wanted to trundle through what I did today... Just what is it that you do? A lot of hospital work... we are also working on some ISTCs (Independant Sector Treatment Centres)... Today I got the lower ground floor roomusers ready to be issued for construction tomorrow... I did the comments onto the drawings back from the clients and then put the radiators and their pipe drops onto the drawings... I also print off and send all of a partner's emails... - to do with hospitals - but this doesn't usually take up much time - about half hour in morning to print off those that have come in since 8am... and then drips and drabs through out the day... plus sending emails to clients with my drawings attached and zipping them up pdfing them or AutoCADing them - (we don't use AutoCAD)... I also do all the presentation drawings for the hospitals that the client requests - it is these that help us secure jobs - plus they look nice to present to people in meetings... - here is where I get to use my layout skills... plus what else do I do? answer any computer queries anybody might have (I've got quite good at using computers since I left university - through only end-user - which is what one needs in an office environment)... I enjoy the tarting up process of drawings and making the line thicknesses just right - after I have drawn a design onto the computer - (I am able to do this because I quickly and efficiently do the rest of the stuff - to leave time for that pondering and tweaking...) it needs time to come to you sometimes - but not too much time - because I feel I work in a office where we go from planning to working drawing just like that - we don't have much time to do presentation things - so in a way my drawings go to help clarify things - since working drawings sometimes are quite muddled with so much information on... also, though mine are used to construct with by small builders that we always use because though perhaps I have not dimensioned all the doors - it is clear on the drawings where the doors should be - and clearly labelled with door sizes and fire ratings... and all new walls are hatched black and walls to be removed are dotted and areas that we are doing work to are highlighted in a pastel colour - (hee, hee, the girl in me :-) )... but there is always someone working with me - and maybe only the roomuser drawings I do on my own - but I have a wealth of other previous hospital roomuser drawings to refer to... or sometimes I notice now that the ones I am stuck on - everyone is stuck on - since we need more imput from the client of what they require in the rooms... the rooms have elevations and a plan and a key plan for the elevations... I put on the required sockets and light switches and radiators and furniture - I lay it out... basically everything that goes in that room - I give it it's guts... sometimes there is a lot of highly specialised hospital equipment to go in the rooms - but it's good now that we get Siemens or Philips etc to advise us... There is someone downstairs who does most of the planning side of things - he uses a drawing board - sometimes for effect and ease of change I put them onto the computer and we can fiddle with the drawings - particularly elevations - until we get it just right... - since sometimes we will get a refusal unless we do something drastic to improve the elevations... It always surprises us with what we come up with... it's using our brains and my manipulating computer skills to pull it off - since a lot of the planning ideas I have I can say and then if it is going to work we can try it or if not - we can go a different route that someone else brings up... Here is a breakdown of what I do: roomusers 70%, presentation drawings 20%, emails/ issuing of drawings 5%, computer tasks 5% and though it hasn't come along much at the moment, design at planning stage 10%...
But I am happy - and you could wonder that I might be paid less because of the amount of admin I also do - but in a way, I
have to do it - since I'm the only one who can do it - access the right drawings - know all the clients & builders details we are
dealing with, etc)... you might not think I am paid much... but I can be happy to say that I am satisfied that my salary is
correct and reflects my worth in the company... also, been working here for a while now - since leaving university and there is still scope to get even better... Maybe I should give out steely eyed stares to people – when they try to 'short change' me... or do I just give out coldness
when I go into shops, etc... everyone seems to be so mean still... Or am I a mean person and they can spot me a mile off – I
might be a very selfish person – in that I keep myself to myself and I buy things only enough for myself – but I don't know...
that's one of the miseries of stepping outside the front door to be knocked about by people who don't like you :(
... but then there are the nice people – normally black men or women working in somerfield or a mass produce clothes store
– or the local estate shop – they are nice... maybe the people in galleries are nice too... they always smile at you and I
always feel welcome... - that's probably why I liked to go to the art galleries so much – and get my dose of being with people
– if not conversing with them... I would like to be a hermit? No – wouldn't work, because with the right people I am really
talkative and we get loads of wow and get somewhere with our conversations... and I have hobbies like gardening which
require you to share your plants and share tips etc, and generally grow your way around – and beam smiles... and help
others to grow their plants – swapping ideas – that's what's it all about... that's how the world goes round... I suppose the capitalistic society still does have that – swapping and growing ideas...? Look what the graphs show about house prices:
http://www.firsttimebuyerhelp.co.uk/articles/article.aspx?id=3
I started reading someone's blog... I guess in this world I am suckered in to perform in order to get rewards - like a pay rise, a mortgage and nice house - be nice & have a boyfriend(?) etc... and generally get pampered along with life until I die... but that's what we all do... and it does sound boring... just the rat race again... hmmm... but I'm happy - and smug with achieving my little achievements - and thankful that I have ideas for projects to get going and be doing... I'm happy... I am like how I used to be at school with ideas coming to me for my art projects... it comes and goes but at school it came along quite often - but since I've been to university and started working - it doesn't come along that often - am kind of happy - pleased that 'me' has come back to me :-) Am also a bit anxious and defensive - to disclose myself to people - incase it gets taken from me and I lose 'me' again... it's wonderful that the internet is here... in this world... it's so useful and inspiring to have it on tap online anywhere... ... I suppose I have to do more projects - have more things going on at the same time alongside one another... it doesn't hurt to... I feel receptive aswell at the moment... 5th August 2005: Going to read 'Status Anxiety' now... I have read 'Life of Pi' and 'Clans of the Alphane Moon'... both interesting books... 'Life of pi' really gripped me as it went along... still not sure which was the real story - the boy & the Tiger on the boat or the boy with a boat full of other survivors and cannibalism and murderings? hmmm... to back up emails or not to... since been on hol... will do to last Friday today later on and then this weeks on Friday... Also, I cannot go swimming and am a bit cautious of going bike riding because on holiday I fell and scraped the skin off my knee and elbow... :-( they are still healing... I don't actually feel like doing any gardening either - just need some time to rest and heal myself... Am being sneaky - I've found a way to keep up with the news... I am going to read it at lunchtimes on the BBC website... ( I normally wake up to BBC Breakfast on TV - but now is the time to get more involved/ interested... I feel that most articles are interesting me now - whereas as a kid I hated the news because I found it so boring - but that was because I couldn't relate to it... At the end of the day today, I had a quick go at re-designing/ tweaking our business cards... I always wanted to do this but didn't have the time before, etc... I had a few ideas going round my head that I wanted to try out - to make it more sleeker, professional & cleaner looking... I like doing layouts... 3rd August 2005:
Sun morn - swim - get up 7am - swim for 8am till 10am... back home for breakfast - with newspaper... bike cycling at weekends... - the way is not to cram 1.5 times as much work into 1 day... but instead savour the moment and learn... otherwise too much head down and can't see the world...
1st August 2005: I thought I had to do a temporary botch job for last month - since I had stuff I wanted to write in the diary but then I had an
image that I wanted to add also (just can't quite remember what it was :-/)... and that every time I wrote something I would have to upload the whole page again - which would take ages - since I don't have broadband
But now I know that you can upload images and then link them to your website - good since I won't be using up my webspace :-)
I also learnt how to use the 'print screen' option today... really simple but I never knew of it before... now I will be using it quite frequently - in fact can think of a situation now where it can be handy...
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