In the departure lounge at Eurostar at the moment... Jim has gone in search of Dean...
It is 12 noon... our train is the 12.40 one to Brussels...23rd February 2006:
Just having a late lunch... It is 2.30pm... We are soon going to go to Brussels tomorrow :-)
Now it is 4.30pm... been
working hard all this week - didn't really have time to look forward to the trip... but managed to clear some time at home to pack last night.
21st February 2006:
I suppose that taking time off to
do the Art Foundation before university took me out of my selfishness... I opened myself to meeting new people and did not duck my head down to aim at getting A grades in my studies... I think if I went straight into
the degree without a breather I might have turned out more fierce and competitive... Instead, it has turned out that I like to philosophise and ponder about things - even if they have not much worth in this
materialistic world...
19th February 2006:
Nearly accidently super-glued my fingers together... now they have white patches of glue still stuck on them...
Shaved Jim's head - now he has tramlines
and we are not pleased with the result... but it was not under ideal circumstances...
18th February 2006:
We went to see Brokeback Mountain on at the cinema this evening... It started off quite bad,
the acting was very cliche... I suppose what we must think cowboys act like - with all their gestures and postures... Or just was it overwhelming in the beginning because of the breath-taking scenery and also the
difficult subject-matter of the film. It was only after the sex scene in the tent that the characters started to fall into place and somehow did the acting become more comfortable?
Before the film, we nosed
around in Woolworth's... I bought quite a few CDs for total of £44.79 - eleven in total - good in the sales...
Nat Bedingfield "Unwritten" £5 ) Unwritten, These Words, I Bruise Easily, Single...
Gorillaz "Gorillaz" £5 ) 3 CDs for £15... I think G are really great...
Sugababes "Three" £5 ) I just wanted this for the hit tracks inc one from first
bridget jones movie
Scissor Sisters "Scissor Sisters" £4.97 - Laura, Jane & Mary, etc
Eminem "The Marshall Mathers" £4.97 - I've always liked Eminem's music and I think he is a great lyricist and it's
about time I bought something of his
U2 "The Joshua Tree" - I've got quite a bit of U2 but only on tapes not CDs
Jamie Cullum "Twentysomething" £5.97 - Just to go alongside with my Norah Jones
and Katie Melua CDs :-)
Busted "Live: A Ticket for Everyone" £2.97- I was just worth the money plus I like their tunes...
James 'The Collection" £2.97 - I just wanted this mainly for the tune
'Sit Down" and a single would have cost this much - so plus I get 17 more tunes...
"All Together Now: 16 Classic Anthems" £1.97 - worth the money for the collection of songs...
Must note here
though that I haven't bought any music for over a year - and so I don't do this very often... but it was worth it to spend the £44 here :-)
17th February 2006:
Ooops... I forgot about the DVD
burning and went home early at 5pm yesterday instead... Will try to do it today... before some people come back from holiday who usually work late...
16th February 2006:
Things are still going ok... The
weather definitely is looking better... I might go down into town this lunchtime...
We can see the DVD writer on the server and so now I can back up all my pdfs and AutoCAD drawings from my c drive via the server
onto DVD :-)
It is now 4pm... at 5pm when some people go home for the day I will try to burn my first DVD back-up disk... yippee!
Am waiting for Brian to compose an email at the moment so that I can send
it along with the drawing that I have been working on... it is now 4.09pm...
15th February 2006:
Today is going quite well... I'm glad the weather is looking brighter... It will be next weekend when we will be going to Brussels... This
weekend we are going to see Brokeback Mountain... we still haven't managed to see Geisha yet...
It's 1pm - I sort of worked through my lunch hour...
14th February 2006:
Happy Valentine's Day people...
I have decided to wait till for Jim to catch up and then we can buy a place together... I have worked out that that would be better than me buying a small 1-bed apartment now and
then having to sell and move again in 2 or 3 years time...
13th February 2006:
Am really tired today... this evening I think I will got to bed early and read the ayn rand book in bed...
It is
2pm... just got to bear out 4 more hours... would like to go home ill but got a few things to do and tidy up at work...
It is now 3pm... It is now 3.30pm...
11th February 2006:
Am at Jim's
workplace... Today is an open day - it is actually going ok... I have been sociable and talking to a lot of people... I should be pleased with myself for doing something which I cannot decided is healthy or not -
probably is... but is being me not healthy? I like to stay away from people - mainly I think because in the situations I normally encounter new people - I cannot have a proper chat to do - because the environment is too
noisy - pubs, bars and night clubs... But at the open day today I have chatted a bit more to Jim's colleagues and to some new ones who I hadn't met before... It has been enjoyable... :-)
Really chuffed today...
we went to Sainsbury's shopping on way home and I browsed the music section and picked up two CDs for £5.99 each - Katie Melua 'Call Off the Search" and Norah Jones "Come Away with Me"... :-)
Cooking some potato wedges in the oven at the moment... At the open day someone kindly made us food - Thai... and so this evening we are having a snack...
10th February 2006:
Just leaping about a
bit... Now found NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming... this grates alongside what de Bono is saying... NLP is a way to change the way the mind is programmed... can we really do this? can the troughs and peaks on de
Bono's memory surface easily be re-arranged by us at our own will power?
At Wikipedia there is a dispute going on about the content of the NLP description... Some people might object because NLP is not painted in
a good light on W - it is mentioned as having cult characteristics, being new age pyschobabble, having no scientific standing...
But what if you could re-program the brain? I wonder... it's a bit like plastic
surgery to me - you are born the way you are and it's a drive created by consumerism/ career to make you alter your image or try to learn some weird ways how you too can now be boss of your company...
Maybe if
you want to do well in the capitalistic world these things could be considered in order to help you achieve this.
Me, I am still holding on... I want to change the world...
9th February 2006:
Feels like I have been away for a long time... what has happenned to me?... I just a bit depressed and didn't have the energy to write - though I wanted to... My head was all cloudy and tasks took me a third longer to
complete... I noticed it - don't know if David did...
Am back on top of things now - it's amazing what a clear head does...
might go to see Memoirs of a Geisha this weekend with Jim... we need to treat
ourselves because last weekend we worked on the business quite a bit...
Not sure about buying my first house yet... it just seems to cost a lot of money - I would be stretched more financially and also I would
see my savings quickly get eaten away...
Also, living with others helps to stop me getting depressed - which I am prone to...
Must stop allowing people to get me upset... it is not good and I lose concentration...
7th February 2006:
Today is going ok... steadily working through work...
6th February 2006:
... thanks, i'm not that bothered now... whenever I try to do anything... there is no proof and I get made to look like the one causing trouble... ie take up all the people's time at work... I suppose in a way it is not
allowing me to deal with things my way... I wanted to write a diary to tell of all the incidences but was told that it was good that I didn't... what for? for their benefit... no, it was for me - person under siege...
at least let them try to over come things their way... oops this just reads as let them cover things up their way...
Just been told that the rooms i did layouts for were the wrong rooms! there is also a slight
hint that they are trying to blame me for being ditzy but I only took instructions - it wasn't me who circled the rooms on the plan... I just did the rooms circled... how would I know? - i wasn't at the meeting...
sigh... God! why can't people own up to their mistakes!!!!]
Ok - I feel calmer now... some friends have got back to me and amazingly I am at peace...
friend is right - concentrate on the good things in life - the positive...
Ok, I have done mock ups of plans and elevations of the rooms they wanted - this batch is a lot smaller than the other ones I got told to
do by mistake... and so perhaps it's not too bad... just got quite a few queries though - will check with David when he gets back into the office... David should hopefully have taken some photos for me so that I can see
what existing stuff is in these rooms...
I am going to read the Ayn Rand book this evening... feel drained... also someone at work has got a cold and I now have a runny nose from sneezing too... :-(
Looking at other people's webspaces, I notice that perhaps I am yearning to create a proper documented site - where you can search and tag and so on and so on... just use it more dynamically - not just a 'hand written'
thing posted up there - am not using it to it's full potential... but then again I am not a computer programmer :-P
5th February 2006:
Feel depressed now... just got some depressing news... sort of a
hassle... also someone at work was blaming me for something - and thought they could get away with it... so far they have... but I am upset because no one seems to listen to me... no one knows how bitchy this person is
to me... and because I take the silent treatment of trying to ignore their comments - they seem to rub things in and cackle and laugh back at me - but sort of doing it with the people around me... But the person who
works opposite me is not stupid and he knows what is going on... his reaction would be to just see how sad they are and how silly - maybe I should pity them... they bully me about me being 'different'... and try to rub
things in... really they are really sad and have got nothing better to do with their life... they probably watch EastEnders and get all their ideas from there and also they just seem like a person out of some nasty TV
programme... It only gets to me because they wind me up about things and I have no one in the office who sees this - apart from maybe perhaps two people - ie they note that I might be frantically emailing to a friend
about current things going on in the office... and they try to keep my mind focused on work - not for their benefit but sort of in a way to try to help me... But it's difficult I feel like 'Piggy' in Lord of the
Flies... and somehow I buckle in and give in... I break down and cry or that I get annoyed when I try to make someone see, like a close friend - but not Jim - he does understand but he cannot help me during my week
hours... but this friend just refuses to see and says things like what can you do about it... (I just want it to stop...) but am waiting, probably until they 'leave'... Also, feel like my reputation is tainted... also
tainted because maybe I sort of fell out with this friend... it's me being passive and when I want to take a stand and friends do not support me - are they really friends - or trying to keep me as the sweet nice Annie
that wouldn't take offence to anything said or done to her? - I don't know - just want to get through the week... maybe I will write about it in the webdiary - but will try to be anonymous - because I don't know if I
can trust my friends to keep my confidences... ie they might do something silly like give this person my website address !!!! - that's like telling on me to them - who's side are they on? is their judgement warped? this
is a site only visited by those I trust and that includes they have to have good judgement... they don't know how harmed I would feel if this site address was given to them...
I wish to double state that if I
gave you my website address it is in the strictest confidence that you will not abuse my trust... Under no circumstances give it to the person involved in creating my unhappiness at work - maybe I should just tell them
in person... - to make the message clear - or perhaps keep my distance from them... they might be a bit warped from old age and not be thinking about what they are doing...
Got to get ready for tomorrow now... feel
unable to do it... it's that tearing feeling in my heart - I feel so depressed... but we will see in the morning... just hope some people who revel in me being seen as doing not well... (when in fact my reputation was
tainted by lies)... just hope these people do not also turn on me - they want me to crack - they seen me do it... they are the secondary people who want to stir things up...
ok - change the image - what would one of
my heroes say to me - Simon Cowell would probably say: 'Well, can they harm you?' and my reply would be 'no'... I feel better... they all pale into insignificance... It's just for my sanity that I needed someone with
the ability to see it for what it was...
:-) thanks simon cowell for your imaginary piece of advice... (girls this does work... you can actually trick yourself into feeling better about a situation if you have someone
on your side...
You are not alone out there - don't give up... you have so much going for you... let these people be whoever they chose - but you, you be yourself... ignore them... don't let them get between you and
your work... :-)
5th February 2006:
Today we worked on a client's website... We are quite pleased with it so far... At the moment, our attempts are fairly modest but as we learn more about CSS its
potential to us becomes revealingly very powerful - and we are able to manipulate it to do the things we want to the websites...
4th February 2006:
Never ceasing to amaze me!
Never been so impressed in all my life.
- just wanted to say that anonymously - it would be good to voice that :-)
This morning, Jim & I went to the Whitechapel Gallery to see the work of the architect
David Adjaye... It was really interesting... I liked the fact that I could learn from his work... And his models... if only I had continued with my models at university... yes, I could have made good models using medium
thick white card... ie don't give up - just because you are not using chunks of luscious wood... also - though perhaps my design skills were lacking at uni and I didn't want to go full steam ahead with something I
wasn't happy with...
... we also went to the Idea Store - one of his buildings - a kind of library central resources place... We both liked it very much...
It is now 4pm... we are back in East Dulwich...
We are about to start working on a client's website... At 8pm we shall go to Sainsbury's to get some shopping...
I actually went to Sainsbury's on my own at 5pm... Jim stayed to geek on the computer... I spent
£20 - which is roughly £5 a day - plus also included in the price some stuff for Jim to eat during the week... that is not bad... £5 a day per person... we are not earning mega-bucks and so have these interesting
restraints on our money... in a way I quite like being 'poor but middle-class educated'... 'cultured' but not gone after the big money in the city...
I like scrimping...
3rd February 2006:
I
seem to be really tired today... nothing seems to be moving forward... we have all come to a halt at work... waiting on the engineers... oops, now the client/ project managers want something done fast... some room
layouts of 7 rooms - I only got rest of today (it's now 2pm) and till end of tomorrow to do them...
...but it is ok... we are working with out of date M+E information and plus they are only preliminary - but
should give a feel to the client of whether it is what they want... they will take them away in the meeting on Monday and comment on them...
2nd February 2006:
I had some spare time in the evenings
and so I helped my Dad find a good car insurance renewal quote using www.confused.com... I had to be patient... I forget how my Dad's generation are like dinosaurs when it comes to computing... A lot of the computer
things I do I take for granted and assume everyone else knows them too... this is also true with some of the people at work who now have a computer on their desk... trying to do fairly simple things but not quite
picking up the knack of it... ie have to repeat-show them many times and still many times more...
1st February 2006:
... in soaps it is ok to do stuff like that to someone you don't like - and jealousy
is always the stated 'good reason' to do mean stuff to people - in soaps...
... that might be my solution - don't have kids... I can always borrow other peoples kids for a day - relatives etc... and love and care
for them - then hand them back - like library books...
Last night I was defragging my hard disk - it took 3 hours! - it kept stopping because the contents of the disk kept changing - then I managed with Jim to
find those processes that were still running in the background and end them... was annoyed - was waiting to go to bed - but didn't want to leave it on over night incase it packed it in altogether...
