May 2006




	30th May 2006: I have been depressed lately... suffering... my life is all mucked up... it feels... I've got a lot of reading to do... :-( I feel so sad... this evening I will be reading... It's just things seem to fall into place now... and I am seeing things differently and how depressing it is making me... :-( It's just I got a lot of reading to do :-( If you love somebody, set them free.... - what if I don't want to be free? :-( I've got so much reading to do :-( :-( :-( Us leaving the Queen Anne Hotel for the day 29th May 2006: Today we went for a walk to the Wildlife Centre - but it was closed... but we enjoyed the walk... It is really sunny in south London :-)... we have been spending some time in the garden... it is now 3pm... Lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 28th May 2006: Just planted out the courgette plants... Am giving some away to my Mum... unfortunately you have to be careful because their stems break quite easily... Coat hooks in the lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 27th May 2006: Amazing! I've just found out that if you go to the Sainsbury's before 10am - it is really quiet... My favourite activity at the moment is to walk through to the front of the house and put the plastic recycling outside in the boxes under the window sill :-) Aspartame - I always knew it was a killer... I got fed up of always having headaches after drinking sugar-free/ diet fizzy drinks... and so read the back of the the labels - I had a hunch that it was this new ingredient I noticed called aspartame... for about 8 years now - I regularly read the backs of any new drinks I want to try or buy in shops and I put them back on the shelf if they had aspartame... It didn't do me any harm if I was wrong about it all - but if I wasn't and I drank it - it just sent my head in turmoil :-I - read the article online at the ecologist for further details... Jim sitting in the lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 27th May 2006: Actually today is the friday but I got the days mixed up and also was ill on thursday (yesterday) and went home at work... felt dizzy and weak... I went to London on the M40 today and got here just before 8pm... ok going - since still quite busy and left office at just after 6pm... hope to have a relaxing weekend... must plant out the courgettes this weekend... and perhaps read up on Rhodes... Jim and his brother have gone to get takeaway... I am tidying up and resting... will see the Albers and Moholy-Nagy at the Tate Modern this weekend... and catch up on watching those films... I also feel like reading a bit... I think i will have a good long shower this evening... Lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 26th May 2006: A new change... I got to do stuff that looks after myself - have to be quite selfish and pamper and look after myself... at the moment I am a bit ill... but also I see a way how to look after myself - better - meaning there is no reason to be so tough on myself... especially when I feel I am suffering... Lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 23rd May 2006: Woke up at 5am today - was quite refreshed and it was bright in my room as the sun shone through the blinds... but went back to sleep... Will take medicine at 8pm today again - see if I wake up at 5am again... if so - then perhaps I can get up and gain the extra two hours in the day I need in the morning... I might lunch at 1.30pm today... Stairs to the breakfast area in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 22nd May 2006: I've worked it out - medicine at 8pm and then will be tired and falling asleep at 9pm... - I got the TV aerial with booster and it works but those docs might have to wait - don't know... Lounge seating in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 21st May 2006: Just waiting for the cauliflower cheese to cook now... It is 4.20pm... We also went back to see the Wilson Homer exhibition at the Dulwich Picture Gallery... I got inspired... I think I will start painting again... I think I will use acrylics - just got to decide what to paint... did think about a picture of Jim's face - like Jasper Johns (?) Opposite the reception in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 20th May 2006: Today we go to Ikea to buy a wardrobe for myself... 19th May 2006: I have this forboding feeling today - as if something bad is going to happen but it's out of my control... 18th May 2006: It hasn't worked... I feel quite tired today - instead of feeling perky... I need that extra hour in bed just so that I can be hyper and awake at work throughout the whole day... ... Actually, I feel ok - it's now 1pm... am going to have lunch now... Old telephone exchange in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 17th May 2006: I've got to find a way to get more out of my day... am thinking about at home now... since it might be being on medicine that makes me need to have to go to bed and be asleep by 9pm in order for me not to wake up tired the next morning... If I push it to anything later than 10pm - I feel really exhausted when I get up - I could take medicine later at say 9pm (instead of 8pm) - this evening and see if it makes a difference... it's just I want to beable to stay up to watch those documentaries that are on and finish at 10pm... and I need a booster aerial for my TV - since lost its best picture now and all the channels are fuzzy - can't find it back... Old telephone exchange in Queen Anne Hotel in Brussels 16th May 2006: Feel back on track today - though still loads to get through... not enough time in this week to get everything done that I want to do :-( It's 11.30am - I just went out to town to get the "Red" Independent (edited by Bono)... It's now 12.50pm... am lunching at 1pm today - some tweaks on the logo for the client and some reading of the Independent... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 15th May 2006: Wow, the day today is going really quickly - unlike Friday... Help... slow down... I want to get a lot more done today and it's nearly three-quarters gone already! More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 14th May 2006: Last night we got woken up quite a bit - and Jim even had to go into work... It's his first call out week - and it just seems not good - for sleep - shadows under eyes etc... I wonder how people can do it... I am feeling a bit today because we cannot really go into London to do anything... kind of stranded... Also, feel like I haven't achieved much this weekend... only thing I did was go to Sainsbury's... We were going to watch Metropolis and The Ipcress File this weekend but haven't actually done so... maybe it is for another weekend... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 13th May 2006: Jim is on call this weekend and so we cannot go far and have to stay near a computer... i have been pottering about and tidying things up... am quite glad that my eye sight has returned to normal... It was getting quite scary... I managed to do some of the logo work in my lunch hour on Friday... but feel that I like to use the program at work and not the paint programs on this laptop and so have decided to wait till I get back into work to work on the logo - at lunchtimes of course... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 12th May 2006: It's still really good weather today - hope it stays like this for the weekend. It's time to sit in gardens and just drink cold drinks in tall glasses... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 11th May 2006: Still really busy today... It doesn't help that it's such a nice day outside... I have been doing a bit of printing in the print room after lunch... My feet hurt from standing up all the time... am tidying away emails etc so just that I have a chance to sit down... The window cruelly reveals to us the delightful sunny day outside :-( More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 10th May 2006: Time has flown by today... was really hectic... nearly didn't have time for lunch!... but now things are all done and being shipped off in the post... It is now 5.55pm... was going to surf the web for 5 minutes... but think will get ready to go home... Jim says I shouldn't be sentimental with money... it is also a good thing to sell up straight away... then I have some money to put into a savings account... :-I It was a nice day today - but now it has gone all dark and looking thundery... will go home now... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 9th May 2006: This lunchtime I need to read up on the information about Standard Life going to float on the stock exchange... I have a pension with them and have some shares... I think they should float because it is the best option for them... since they might pick up a bit... Hmmm... don't know what to do this weekend... oh yes, I have to design a logo for a client for Jim's business... am supposed to be doing that today on the computer... ahhh... I will design 3 logos and see which one they like... but need my sketchbook first... left it at home... Standard Life - I think the shares I have are not as much as those older longer term investors... also, when I opened the pension - I knew the with profits wasn't doing that well, since the number of new people taking out those policies had dropped and they weren't popular - kind of old-fashioned to have a with profits policy... and so I decided to cut my contributions down the middle and do 50% with profits and 50% other fund... in a way, i joined just before and at the last moments and so am entitled to shares... also, I joined when pensions were all performing badly and now they have picked up and my pension value has increased quite a lot relationally... Hmmm... if it floats and the value of my shares would not really make much diffrence to whether I sold or held onto them - i think I will hold onto them - they will be my stock exchange link buddies for the whole of my lifetime... i think they will float really high and then drop or high and stay high for 5 years and then drop and then pick up again 10-20 years down the line... for me it has to be a long term thing to decide to keep the shares... and the long term value I think has a highly likelihood to perform upwards - though it would need at least a 30 years span... and then due to inflation and forgetting about them - they might make a bit more money for me than if I sold them in earlier... ;-) More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 8th May 2006: Hooray my eyes are getting better! More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 7th May 2006: Today I hope to relax and catch up on things... I will write an email to my boss to say that I will be coming back into work on Monday - but that I still get blurry bits in my vision and really it is no better - but I feel a bit better after going to the eye hospital... was winding myself into a state wondering if my eyes would ever return back to how they were before... ... I have been getting quite panicky and stressed... and depressed about it all - I've had it for over two weeks now... More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 6th May 2006: We decided to Moorfields Eye Hospital this afternoon... They diagnosed it as an allergy... I just got a bit upset with it all when I couldn't see the pictures properly at the Dulwich Picture Gallery - and so we went to the eye hospital... :-\| More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet 4th May 2006: Am still having trouble with my eyes... in a way, I am feeling rather fed up with it all now :-( More items in Queen Anne Hotel display cabinet