30th November 2006:

Just been late night shopping... I got a few of the things I wanted to get... from Argos, but Marks & Spencers was closed - which I had expected it might be... I was meant to go the Tesco's as well but I felt too tired and so will have to do that another day...

28th November 2006:

I am reading 'Lila - An Enquiry into Morals' by Robert M. Pirsig. He is the author of 'Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance'... I am at Part 3 and the bit when she has gone mad and is on his boat.

It's interesting... It's quite philosophical but unfortunately I looked forward to the story-telling bits... :-I … I find his Metaphysics of Quality quite hard to take in - it's difficult because I don't have my own starting point to evaluate his ideas from. I am actually at the bit where he is talking about philosophologists and he says that sometimes it is v. easy to read and just completely agree with what one reads – and not see the missing gaps/ bits that don't add up...

He talks about Dynamic & Static quality and how these two things are present in the relationships between social, intellectual, biological and inorganic. He also goes on to suggest a hierarchy where it is morally correct that one thing in the relationship should dominate/ control the other, eg. Intellectual over social; and social over biological.

I am just pondering still, and am happy that if the very least is that I walk away/ finish reading the book with a new way of seeing – and can note in situations what are Dynamic and what are Static qualities at work… eg Dynamic could be progression/ evolution towards a greater good (for society) and Static could be routines that work (tried and tested).

The two qualities need to co-exist. The Static quality is supportive and allows the Dynamic quality to happen. Without Static quality and only Dynamic there would be chaos. Without Dynamic quality and only Static there would be no progress.

Note – re-stress: Dynamic quality is the more important quality – moving things forwards and Static quality is there for support – like a latch-cog not allowing things to slip backwards into degeneracy.

Ok, back to reading the book… Work has been really busy today. It really picked up around lunchtime, I had to tend to a lot of things - all more or less at the same time, including revising and issuing a set of drawings out – thought I wasn't going to get it all done but I did – phew! :-P

27th November 2006:

Still suffering from these headaches lately... Things don't seem to be back in balance since after doing that rush project 2 weeks ago :-I

I have decided to write more in the Webdiary... (It will help me also to get through the days)... I have been quite depressed lately... Hopefully today will go ok/ be good...

There are a lot of unfinished stuff to do... Am depressed a bit because we had to neglect other projects during that rush job and they were on site and because they didn't have our latest drawings the project suffered...

... Work is going ok now - back on track... I am happy again... :-)

... I've left my list of things to do at home :-( got to make do without it today... This lunchtime I am going to... well, been out to town now - and did some shopping... also feel a bit refreshed after getting some fresh air into my lungs... :-)

I bought a shirt and I bought a bag... (the bag was a bit pricey but I had scrimped on other things lately and so perhaps it is not too bad) and I bought 3 packs of AAA batteries for £5 in Woolies :-P

... Ate my lunch now...

... now back to work...

... It's now 4.45pm... Am just waiting for some drawings to print... been quite busy this afternoon... we are going to try to get some drawings out tonight - but most are A3 size and so are easy to photocopy...

24th November 2006:

Help... I got to go to more seminars... there's so many interesting things going on out there :-)

23rd November 2006:

... Erm... I'm ill... I've managed to get ill while on medication... :-I

... that's why I have today off work as rest... I hope to recover... & just be my usual/ normal self soon...

... it's just I am quite sensitive and a lot of things people say or do actually really hurt me a lot deeply.

20th November 2006:

Gang Rape - A Euphemism
- power - they pray on my weaknesses because they know my brain patterns are different to them. They mock me and make others join in. They revel in their evil side. Of course they are like politicians, armed with lots of friends so that they can beat me down if they felt I was getting the better of them. They like to do their deed and then silence me. They rely heavily that I will be silenced... I will not talk... They feel they have this power over me... Guess what, the child within is speaking. They can't harm the child, the child is naive and innocent. It does not feel the weight that they put on it... It's just the evil side of them showing up - then they surround themselves with their friends and they feel much better, that they are all importantly the same, and it is I the odd/ strange one - odd one out. In their eyes they can do whatever they want to me & get away with it - because the church man is also evil and likes it that they do this to me - he wants me to be hated... he wants to see me gang raped - and wants to get the message across to me that they all can do this to me and get away with it... they do it, because they feel me a threat, because I am not just different, but because I can also do things just as well (if not better) than them... They like to mock me and not allow me into their circle. I am left with the scraps left overs in the trash cans... I sleep with the rats in the gutter... Some people are good though - they notice me and are concerned - but these are the people I don't want to be concerned about me... But the others - they hardly know they are evil - they do it almost as if they are on automatic pilot - they do it to tread me down... They appear intelligent but really they are selfish...

... that's what is was like... They aren't sorry - any twinges of guilt are quickly covered up... No one must know what they did to me in the past.

NB. I was not gang raped.

16th November 2006:

Last week was really busy... I was working 10 hours a day for a deadline end of that week... Unfortunately, I started having a pain behind my eyes from staring at the computer all the time... This week it has sort of gone away...

Am getting organised again... and now less stressed out... it's good when things start falling back into place and I can plan my routines again :-)

9th November 2006:

Drove home tonight towards the moon, in it's moonlight.... :-)