Today it is Thursday... I feel so tired... there is so much to do at work...
27th June 2007:
I also like to read into patterns the cars make as I drive home... Whether they have their lights
on, whether they are travelling fast or not... Also, their positioning in the road... It's as if they play out a pattern - some insight into something... Also, the colour of them and the make and model also play a
part... It's difficult to explain...
25th June 2007:
I can feel the dark cloud of gloom coming over me - it's that time again soon :-I... But I'm in my mode for dressing nicely and being a woman and
so I shall just carry on as if nothing is happening - just don't prick me with a pin - if you do, I'll burst out crying...
Also, things - change - is happening... I am living with Jim more permanently now... we
hope to move in together...
It feels like I am in mourning about someone - but I can't remember who it is who has died... :-(
23rd June 2006:
My Special Hobby
I like to
read car number-plates, like reading tea leaves, to give me some insight into things that preoccupy my mind... (It's left overs from the 'mad' days...)
19th June 2007:
Why do people always do
this to me? Steal my stuff, run off and never to be seen at again... You expect me to be flattered? I am in mixed emotions... Let me get back to you on this... Today I am going to make a change... Well, what do you
expect? But I suppose we are all in the same boat... Well, if you want something to happen, you got to make it happen (kid)... No one in this world is going to tell it to your face - so I'm telling you now... Who do you
think you are - waltzing in like this? Don't come a running to me when this all turns pear-shape... Some day you will realise what this means...
I was talking in cliches, just now... how interesting... :-P
I am going out this lunchtime to buy some earrings... The ones I am after are some deep black 'jewel' shape stud earring and some long dangly ones in silver perhaps...
18th June 2007:
This week I
am drinking green tea... and I am also wearing Elizabeth Arden's Green Tea fragrance :-)
17th June 2007:
Recently, I seem to be spending about 4-5 times what I normally do in one month... It
might be a bit scary but it points out that normally I am spending well within my limits if 4-5 times that amount is still well within my limits... However, this next month I think I am going to scrimp a bit... but my
holiday is coming up... hmmm...
It's strange living like this... It means I can live like this normally that it's within my limits... but I don't wish to... Too much buying stuff on Amazon and picking up
bargains in shops... I got to cut back now and 'enjoy' the stuff I have bought...
16th June 2007:
... Hooray, the iPod I got that has been in my bag/ and no buttons work/ not been switched onto
hold/ didn't know if it was working or not - well, it is recharging quietly now off Jim's computer...
Not sure about it only being 'intune' with one computer - it's syncing option/ I mean deleting all songs off
and then putting Jim's stuff onto it - is not a good idea... so easy to ooops! push the wrong option and then not be able to do anything while it says what it's doing now and disconnecting means wiping the machine
clear? - not what you want when all you wanted was a cancel command... Now I see what my brother means when he says he's managed to delete all his stuff off it four times and so now left it in it's box and doesn't use
it... It's not that good if you have more than one computer or that you want to put songs onto it from your friend's computer... or do you switch the syncing option off? but then can you still not get songs off from a
different portal - I mean someone else's music... but then are you supposed to do this? is this all going into copyright...
15th June 2007:
Today is hectic... v busy...
14th June 2007:
I watched the documentary about Britney Spears last night... I felt like writing to her to tell her that it's ok... she has tremendous pressure and a lonely life in the spotlight... also, no
privacy and a constant conversation going on about her in the press...
... I would advise her to read... read good books...
... This evening I am going to start my new book I bought: 'The Zahir' by Paulo
Coehlo... :-)
13th June 2007:
It is lunchtime now... I went down into town a moment ago and did some shopping... retail therapy kind of thing... bought some new flipflops that are woven grass think
espadrilles... Tried to find a white shirt - it's strange but I don't actually seem to have a crisp white shirt...
I love it when I turn my head round to see out the back window when I am reversing my car and my
neck all clicks... :-D
12th June 2007:
I'm trying to look like a girl again... I've just dug out my old nail polishes - found one I am into at the moment... - A nice metallic bronze/ brown...
very yummy... going to paint my toe nails with it... (God, the tasks I set myself!)
I've also been swimming again this evening - somehow I didn't have as much energy as last week... didn't do as many lengths...
...also I am wearing skirts to work - and my flipflops - oh, I already said that before... :-) I am going to be prepared for the summer this year... it's time now to come out of hiding and pick up where I left
off from school days... and get all the bangles and earrings and bracelets out... I still have a silver ring for nearly each of my fingers - it's time to deckorate - laden with jewels - a gypsy queen... or something...
no, perhaps I will tone it down for the time being...
... going to inspect the condition of my toe nails now... I think they are actually in quite good shape - I don't normally have problems with them ;-)
11 June 2007:
Jim & I were talking... It's strange when he has been with people socialising he craves his own space and doesn't want anything to do with people for the rest of the week... I
should feel the same... but I don't, or it's more like it's welcomed but my centre is put off slightly - but I can manage it to leave it that way... - until it goes back naturally...
This week I might write a lot
in the webdiary... it might be mundane but hey it's me :-) Am at work now in my lunch hour - it is really hot at the moment... Tomorrow I might wear my new brown trendy flipflops from the dive shop... and a skirt...
yuck, has anyone tried to kiss you against your will? I suppose it only happens to girls -
I am reading A Softer World comic/ online... boy, my feet hurt today - I want to sit down all the time... but got a
stretch of photocopying to do for the bit that goes with our drawings...
9th June 2007:
I went to bed late last night but decided to get up now to write some emails to people... when I say people,
I mean 'friends', though for some reason I like to keep up the pretence that I don't have any... perhaps, it's because I like to let those who hate my guts, hate my guts... why change the picture they have of me? Keep
them thinking the worst of me... If you look at this till the end, really I am very mean and will not give these people a second chance... I have sort of cut them out from my real life and only show myself to some
people - ok these people are called 'friends'...
So I am going to write... because I like writing I have amassed a network of people (ok 'friends') on email and by handwritten letter - around the world... so I
suppose now I am admitting that I am not 'friendless' :-I
... I really hate eating these Oatibix cereals - but am determined to eat them all until I finish the packet... I notice they are advertising Oatiflakes
- perhaps they realised that Oatibix turns to stodge within 5 seconds of adding milk... will the flakes fare any better...
We've been to Grand Designs Live now and had a meal out with some 'friends'... It's
nearly 11pm... I am quite tired... feel a bit depressed/ deflated... Tomorrow will be a chill out day... and tidying up since the landlord has fixed the plaster fallen down hole in the ceiling from the leak in the
bathroom above...
8th June 2007:
I am staying late at work this evening... trying to clear some stuff before more work appears on Monday... Plus I need to hog the printer and so now is a good
time...
Should I ramble or shouldn't I? that is the question... I feel sometimes free to and then other times as if I shouldn't and hold back because it is inappropriate... though through knowing Jim, I have
become more free to accept myself as I am and not hanker after trying to fit in... no, that's not true... I never really cared about fitting in... but it did affect me that people could spot I was different from a mile
off and so treated me unkindly... And I was left with a lot of the peer pressure stuff... maybe, secretly I liked being aloof because I thought they were a bit thick anyway... and so things didn't matter so much... but
I never rejoiced much at being different... but now I am more... because being myself is the coolest thing that has happened to me :-)
7th June 2007:
I am going to do some revision this evening -
for the next stage in diving... We are going to Grand Designs Live on Saturday... It should be fun...
6th June 2007:
I feel much better today... Was feeling tired/ drowsy lately... and the
heat - the sun... it's going to be a nice summer I think... It is my lunchbreak at the moment... going for a swim this evening... this time I am going to push myself a bit more and swim more vigorously... strangely, I
enjoy swimming underwater - and now I realise why :-) - it's because it's so peaceful and quiet under there and you get more a sense of weightlessness as you swim neither touching the bottom or the surface...
4th June 2007:
Defy other people's jealously, strike forth and be thyself!
2nd June 2007:
There is no hot water for a shower at Jim's flat... I have just gone ahead and made
homemade pizza this morning... I added a third more of each ingredient in order to get a bigger pizza - so that we can have a really good meal of it... Also, it has got lots of toppings on: tomato+tomato
puree+onion(cooked)+bacon(cooked)+green pepper+yellow pepper+mushrooms+mixed herbs+oregano+cheese :-P
Hopefully, it will turn out really nice :-)
1st June 2007:
Are you ready maybe
Are you willing to run
Are you ready to let yourself drown
Are you holding your breath
Are you ready or not
Texas Lyrics: 'Put Your Arms Around Me' - whenever I listen to this tune, it's quite
harrowing (is that the word?) when she says 'Are you ready to let yourself drown' - so much so that I wanted to change it and write the word 'fall' in it's place... It's quite creepy/ scary that line when she sings
it... :-I
