27th February 2008:

I've just realised that that emergency plan was not for depression but for stress - and guess what? it works... - I think it is true; eat, sleep well and you feel bright n ready to fight(!) in the morning... problems do not seem to bug you so much...

24th February 2008:

I've just realised that it's no fun living on your own - unless you really love yourself - and can cook that nice meal only for yourself - and bake those cookies, and do that gardening... what's it all for? for yourself only? I find it quite difficult - it's as if we human beings are set to self-destruct when on our own - it's not natural and it doesn't help the human race - in terms of reproduction - which is a known goal of the human-being...

I am quite alone - you see, Jim has gone to FOSDEM and I thought that I would be quite happy here all on my own - the flat to myself but really I can't seem to do much past the chores I had down on the list since Monday to do - now it is 1pm and I have methodically gone through them all and done them all and feel - I can't go on... I must do something different - phone a friend - perhaps go round to my parent's house... or anything - must so that I can go on... but you see, now I have time to read but I don't want to do that - it's as if when Jim was here, I could bake and tidy up the flat and just feel really good about it all - but somehow on my own/ doing it for myself and no one else to enjoy it - it feels quite - well, what's the point? I suppose one human-being cannot love oneself enough to just exist on it's own...

Though, I am lucky since Jim will be back in the country and I will pick him up from the station at 11pm tomorrow...

... Ok... Now to get through the day - perhaps I will go and rent a DVD - yes - that would be an idea - something I wanted to do - watch a girly movie on my own :-)

Small victory! I am trying to bypass Jim's setup on the new LCD TV and plug in my DVD player - after looking for an s-video cable - no luck - then scart cable - but it wouldn't fit into the tv - there was a bump on the stand which got in the way, then finally finding the red yellow white cables. then I had to try to find out how to get to the screen of the DVD player on the TV - normally it just so happenned to be 0 or 9 at home, or push the TV/AV button.. but yaay I found it! - the button that was labelled 'source' - so hey presto - now I only got to cook my lunch - veg stir-fry leftovers and noodles and then pop to Blockbuster to get a DVD out :-)

... I got out Trust The Man - it was not as good as I thought it would be - though it had 3 good actors in it - Julianne Moore, David Duchovny & Maggie Gyllenhaal... - it was a bit bitty/ cut back and forth too much - chop and change - like this paragraph... I also got out Becoming Jane & Miss Potter... I have just watched Becoming Jane and thought it was very good - though very sad in places...

Tomorrow, I will watch Miss Potter - and also potter about the flat doing stuff...

I have watched Miss Potter - it was also a very good film and also very sad in the end...

23rd February 2008:

Emergency Plan For Action When Depression Sets In...
1. Take stock
2. Work out what to eat
3. Work out the bare minimum that needs doing
4. Get a long good nights sleep - A MUST!!!

22nd February 2008:

Hooray, it's the weekend!

18th February 2008:

We are quite busy at work... I feel that it's difficult sometimes writing this webdiary - to people who I haven't met before - you see, I can never know what effect - good or bad - it has on them...

Sheep
I was piecing something together - though I am a bit slow... but yes, 'sheep' hasn't been given a singular or plural word that is different to 'sheep'... I realise that 'sheep' - the word means much more than just a woolly animal... 'Sheep' has no differentiation between singular and plural because it doesn't warrant it - sheep just stick together in one herd and move when each other move... 'sheep' do not do anything as individuals that is different to what the sheep next to it is doing...

17th February 2008:

Sometimes it's just nice to be... to be happy and at peace... and maybe just existing... I'm not sure... I had a good weekend... been tidying up in time for our flat inspection on Thursday - there's still some stuff to do such as clean the bathroom and dust the shelves, but other than that all is on track...

I wonder... I finished the book I was reading today... The Other Boleyn Girl... she was beheaded... it was a nice dreamy afternoon - and I watched the sun illuminate the buildings opposite us...

It's still so young - the day - it feels - only 7.50pm... I feel quite relaxed as if I have been on holiday this weekend and work seems so far away...

Jim is watching TV... the TV gives nice music in its adverts... I feel mellow... perhaps it is the ending of the book... as if I have just watched a good film... and walked out into the sunlight and fresh air...

14th February 2008:

It is Valentine's Day - you know, I don't really celebrate it... having been without a valentine for so long it seems the natural thing to do to ignore the significance of this day because it meant nothing to me for so long...

Jim sent me a link to Dunbar's number... It's really interesting :-)
http://www.lifewithalacrity.com/2005/03/dunbar_altruist.html
http://www.lifewithalacrity.com/2004/03/the_dunbar_numb.html

Is that why my office environment is as it is?... It's just a bit too small and perhaps I would have found more people I could connect with in a larger office...

Also, it makes me wonder about Facebook... If you have over 150 friends is it really possible to keep up a good social relationship with them all?

13th February 2008:

Just watched Torchwood - it was a really good episode this week... At first, I felt I was going to be ill, but then it has actually made me feel a lot better... :-)

I'd like to wish Happy Valentine's Day to everyone - but I guess that I won't upload this in time... I hope people are well... I am going to bed now... good night.

12th February 2008:

Is a girl supposed to fall in love this many times in a life-time? What is it? What have I lost? What have I found...

11th February 2008:

I'm beginning to wonder if I am a bit foolish - John Barrowman might be a secret girl-hater... and poke fun at girls :-(

10th February 2008:

Oh no! Help! I am in love with John Barrowman... and his boyfriend...

Ok... to do other things - I will look up on the internet a recipe for making stroganoff..

6th February 2008:

I just found out that John Barrowman is gay! "No, he isn't!!! - He married his long-term girlfriend, Gill Scott - who is an architect - I read it in the BD (Building Design) some time last year!!!", I argued/ shouted... Then we went online to google him... and I found out that his long-term girlfriend was in fact boyfriend Scott Gill (I had misread it) who was an architect... but I still like him - and think he's fab! hee, hee... it was quite funny... :-)

Though, the gay kiss scenes in Torchwood - seemed a bit 'untender'... as if he doesn't know how to love... but I thought it was because he wasn't gay and Torchwood was trying to get it so that people accepted gay people more easily - since we are in the 21st Century now... anyway... I mean that perhaps he was shy to kiss more tenderly? - since he is quite an extrovert and did it in an extroverted manner...

4th February 2008:

I have a small Friends Provident pension and last year it made £0.71 - yes, that's 71p!!! At first I was furious and was sure that they had given the funds to 'graduate scheme students' who mucked it all up and lost all the money - I wanted to call them up and check if it was all a mistake but now I have calmed down - and think differently... ok, yes, this year I didn't make any money on it - but it has outperformed my savings accounts in previous years... and there are bound to be times when things go down instead of up... like at the moment...

Also, it's only money.. If I look at things this way, I realise that my life is full of so much non-money related things - and I feel very grateful :-)