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30th March 2008:
Once again... I am finding it hard to do stuff when
Jim is not around... I've come to a halt... It just doesn't feel very satisfying to anything... I have gotten up... checked email - no emails - then found at a loss... but hopefully writing into this will get me
going... I think I will go and wash my hair in a moment - also, then I wan to go to Waitrose to buy some things - it's such a nice day today... Jim will be back in the evening... I will have a long soak in the bath
later on... ok - just going to watch the beginning of Quills? No, what should I do now... washing up - tidy up the flat of newspapers...
Ok... Now I have washed my hair and washed the grill pan and other washing
up items... I think I will vacuum the floor - now that I have tidied the flat up... The time now is 10.30am... I think I will have my traditional bowl of mixed cereals for breakfast...
Ok... now I have vacuumed
the floor - I had a 1 hour break in the middle as a friend phoned me for a chat - and I ate my bowl of cereal then as I chatted... It's been such a nice day today! Afterwards, I went out and got a few bits n bobs for
shopping/ food...
Feel better now, now that I have done a few more things - and really happy that I vacuumed the floor and the place feels cleaner :-)
Now I might watch Quills... what else is on the list
of things to do? I think I will have my bath later on after dinner tonight... I could make these almond florentines but I am missing the ingredient double cream... and I don't want to venture out to the shops again...
Ok perhaps I will upload this now - and then continue writing post events, etc... - on tomorrow's webdiary page...
29th March 2008:
Today we went to Oxford... and perused around the streets...
We went into the Museum of History of Science... into Blackwell bookshop, Blacks outdoor gear, Marks and Spencer, the covered markets and shopping areas... and generally had a vague plan but just wondered about - it was
different to what we normally do and that is I always have a set purpose - a list of things to do... it was a good day out...
We also watched The Italian Job - the one with Ed Norton in it... it was ok... I feel
that EN always wants to play bad guys but he doesn't quite pull it off because essentially he is a good guy - and he also looks too sweet still when he is trying to be stern/ nasty...
I think I will watch
Entrapment and Ocean's Eleven... carry on watching my films in bunches of three - all loosely the same kind of plots :-P - it's good that Jim's got the MythTV set up working now... and there are so many films I have
recorded to watch... There is also Quills, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Assassination of Richard Nixon, Brick, Strangers on A Train, Me, Myself & Irene... - a whole mixture...
I will upload
this webdiary tomorrow - when Jim has gone into work... - yes, he has to do overtime... I have had a banging headache for the latter half of the day today... And taking paracetamol at first, and now ibuprofen hasn't
worked... maybe I am just tense...
We are having a shower fitted to the flat soon - and so I have been emptying out the bathroom stuff in anticipation... also, it would be good to see how it's done... - since
this is a rented flat - but if we buy a place and need to do it up...
Now I am going to read in bed and hope this headache clears - I really don't want it to carry on into the morning :-I
17th March 2008:
I went to see 'The Other Boleyn Girl' on at the cinema in the weekend... Of course, the book is better and has more detail... the film missed a lot out, moved things around and pasted them
back together again to make it more concise/ run through in time... Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn was really good... also, Eric Bana surprised me and was quite good too - he made a good King... I felt that Scarlett
Johansson - what was she doing? maybe she felt eclipsed a bit by NP - in real life... I felt her character wasn't separate enough/ strong enough - in the book it was the main character and we sided with her (Mary
Boleyn)... Maybe the sibling rivalry was there on screen into real life - since I felt she was playing the Mary Boleyn character too much like NP was playing Anne Boleyn... I would have liked to see Mary as more like in
the book - also the red lipstick in the beginning didn't suit... (Although, I know it is SJ's signature) also, Queen Catherine was more of an ogre in the film where as in the book she was more serene and 'an
innocent woman who had done nothing wrong'... also, if Mary was not meant to be more prominent a character in the film - then to call it 'the other boleyn girl' - the meaning is lost... because she is the other boleyn
girl that history did not record... (we all know about Anne Boleyn etc but not about Mary Boleyn...)
15th March 2008:
Today a friend is coming up from London to visit... The unease went away by the
end of the day on the 11th by the way... We've just got to vacuum the stairs and door lobby now...
11th March 2008:
I feel uneasy today... as if I am worried about something and something is going
to happen beyond my control... :-I7th March 2008:
Yaay! It's my day off today :-) I have been tidying the flat, shopping and also just went out to the DVD shop and got out 3 DVDs for £7 for 7 nights -
yaay!... I got out Number 23, Fracture - well, Anthony Hopkins is in it :-), and The Machinist - which is supposed to be good... I will watch Fracture now and then watch the other two with Jim/... hence the selection
this week is a bit more dark and scary...
5th March 2008:
Annie is... Annie is... Annie is going to fight... Annie doesn't want to lose herself... Annie is going to be mean back... Annie hopes that
the wrong people do not get the wrong message... Annie doesn't want to fight but really, she has no choice... she is fighting now... fighting back... to all the people who try to hurt her... truth is... she gets hurt
all the time - but tries to absorb it all and not fight back...
But now, she is fighting back - and feeling bad for hurting people - but if she looks on this as a way to help them change their behaviour towards
her then it is ok... also, she will do it lightly - with humour :-)
That's the key!!! Humour... that is how I can do it - since with humour it softens the punches back - and draws you down to the reality of it -
the truths... (yaay!)
Here is my Facebook note entry: (yaay again!)
Humour
Annie is going to do it by humour... humour softens the blows,... plus also it actually shows us and makes us aware of
what is the underlying truths in situations... also, when I do allow myself to be humourous, it works quite well :-) - it enlivens me and I really do not hate the people anymore so much - but in a way, there is some
love towards them - a slight, perhaps paternal/ maternal instinct to help the child develop... also, I don't really want to hurt back because it fills me with hatred... and so perhaps, humour works again because it
brings back respect, while pointing things out and while making the other person laugh...
But humour also is strange that it can point out truths but falls down dead when it is used to try to illuminate an
untruth... - and so that will be my guide... when I have overstepped the line... inbuilt monitor-er...
This note is very rough and babbly... I want to send it to a friend - who might be interested in it... and
use it further... but now that I have mentioned that and you might think it is you - but it isn't if you are connected to me on Facebook... oh dear... I am plagued with that scenario again... one of the hazards of
writing online to an open audience...
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I am blessed with my madness... there are
just some things that happen that can't quite be explained... I don't think it is God... but yes, someone out there is there pointing things out to me... there is a dialogue/ conversation going on...
...Ok... let
me relay it back to you... It goes something like this... I will draw a parallel... - I will do it with Bon Jovi lyrics that I was listening to in the car - the album is Destination Anywhere...
Here it goes:
Midnight In Chelsea
Gothic girls all dress in black
Serious as heart attacks
Ugly
If you're ugly, I'm ugly too
In your eyes the sky's a different blue
If you could see yourself like others do
You'd wish you were as beautiful as you
Staring At Your Window
My boots just keep on walkin', but my heart don't understand...
...but when we woke up one of us was crying
Do get what I am saying to you? Well, it's similar to that but someone is saying it to me all the time - in small coincidences and things that happen... but it's not direct...
eg. it's the design of the first envelope of the mail sitting on the secretary's desk... or it's the advert on the van as it parks in David's spot... or it's the way the branches sway on the trees outside the window...
it can't be contrived(?)... ok - perhaps you don't get what I mean from the lyrics... because you aren't mad... :-S
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